Whitney Goes to the Mall
by not-quite-legit
Summary: In which Whitney and Candice stalk the new kid in school and Lyra is a robot. Weird High-School AU. Oneshot.


Whitney Goes to the Mall

"Wait, are you sure he's here?" Whitney asks into her brand-new phone, darting behind an oversized potted plant made of plastic. The clefairy charm dangling from the side taps against the little flip phone's screen as she glances warily toward the downward escalator, oblivious to several passersby giving her odd looks. Candice sighs into the phone, sounding utterly exasperated.

"I'm telling you, I know he's in here somewhere," the girl says on the other line, prowling the food court in as inconspicuous a manner as possible. Needless to say, this earns her several odd looks. "Ooh, I'm passing by Orange Julius right now. Want anything?"

"Focus, Candice!" Whitney growls, moving from behind the potted plant to the Payless Shoe Store two stores in front of her, hot on the trail of a flash of green that caught her eye. "If I were a hot guy, where would I shop...?"

"Have you tried American Wargle?" Candice suggests, momentarily setting the phone down to place her order at Orange Julius. "He was wearing nice jeans at school yesterday. Maybe he bought them there. Oh my Arceus, did you see what Flint was wearing yesterday?"

"Ugh, I know! It's _December _and he's wearing sandals and- OH MY GOD CANDICE I THINK I SAW HIM." Whitney leaves her hiding place in the autumn boots section of the store and bolts after the green hair she saw moving through the crowd. She nearly bowls over a poor salesman trying to sell her mica eyeshadow and runs straight into the last person she wants to see.

"_Lyra," _she hisses, trying to sidestep around the Mario impersonator. Lyra moves with her, her expression blank. "Get out of my way!"

Out of nowhere, Lyra's hand shoots out and grabs Whitney's wrist, dragging the pinkette with her back towrds the Payless store. "LET'S A-GO!" She shouts mindlessly, giggling like an idiot every time Whitney tries to punch her or break free.

"Whitney?" Candice asks, unaware that the pink-haired girl left her phone back in the shoestore. Shrugging, she wanders out of the food court and towards the Wet Sealeo, armed with several coupons and a stolen credit card.

Meanwhile, Whitney was _pissed. _All of her shouts of protest and kicking and biting and screaming did nothing to help her situation. Lyra was now halfway through Forever Level 21, dragging her pink-haired captive through the clearance aisle and making sure to hit her with every ugly article of clothing she could find. Whitney hissed every time they touched her, clawing even more frantically at her captor.

"Let me go, you stupid robot!" Whitney sohuts. Lyra's head turns 180 degrees and she laughs mechanically at the pinkette.

"You were right about the robot part," she says. Whitney screams for security, and out of nowhere a light blue blur swings down from the cieling and kicks robot Lyra in the head.

"Candice!" Whitney cheers, relieved. Candice drops down from the makeshift rope of clearance items, feeling and looking about three hundred pounds heavier. "Jesus, what happened to you?"

"Orange Julius makes hamburgers, apparently," she says, patting her tummy. The ground starts rumbling immediately after, scaring most of the people in the store.

"...Anyway, we need to go find him," Whitney says, walking out of Forever Level 21 with Candice's thundering footsteps right behind her. The two go down an escalator (Candice has to roll down like a beach ball) and pass several men's stores, scanning each one for any sign of the new kid's gorgeous emerald hair. They are almost at the other end of the mall when Candice spots something in her peripherals and takes off running as fast as her thunder thighs will allow.

"CHILI CHEESE DOG!" She roars, knocking over a random e-cigarette counter and a few unsuspecting people.

Whitney gives up on her quest to admire the new kid and goes to the girl's bathroom to hang herself.

* * *

><p>OOPS I DID IT AGAIN 8T<p>

This is based on a true story

Except with prom

And no robots or chili cheese dogs

Cheers :D


End file.
